Saving Humanity

The drive and ambition to want to do big, important, life-changing things. . . I used to have that. And I still do in some areas, such as school--I'm like a Spanish Conquistador fighting with the Incas when it comes to schoolwork and academics. Okay, maybe that's a bad simile. But I work hard and take hard classes and keep my grades up and  do extra-curriculars and I'm participating in internships. Seriously, I don't play around, and I'm getting into an awesome graduate school. I am. I am. I am, I'm a-telling yaaaa!

Okay. Rant over. Maybe I have drive when it comes to academics, but I also have a little anxiety and something else--stubborn determination?--too. But anyways, I digress. 

When I was little I wanted to be a doctor. Or a scientist. My kindergarten teacher once called my parents saying that I had said in class that I wanted to prove that gravity wasn't what held us down to the earth. In fourth grade I came home and informed my parents I wanted to be a college professor and have my PhD in history. Then there was the time when I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist (this was the direct precursor to "PhD Dixie") and just be an amazing doctor and help kids feel better. 

But somewhere along the way--and I'm not sure where--I lost the drive and desire to do most of this. I discovered that hospitals are scary and that the law of gravity is already pretty much set in stone. I found out that how much I hated science and math, and to be honest, I wasn't really that good at either subject. And so, the drive to want to become that person slowly dissipated and those dreams slowly started to slip away. .

But lately, I've been feeling them again. We all have people in our lives that we seen in pain and that are sick and that we want to help, and lately, I've not been able to get those people off of my mind. I just want to help them! And that desire has me all nostalgic about my childhood dreams of being a doctor or a scientist (although, I don't think disproving gravity would really help anybody, now that I think about it). 

I don't have the answers and this blog post is more of a rambling mess of inner thoughts than anything. I don't know what I'll do, but I do know that I love anthropology and history. I love museums. And I love and am thankful to the people out there who didn't lose their childhood ambitions of becoming a doctor or a scientist die somewhere along the way on the road to adulthood. So, I suppose I'll get the PhD in studying humanities, and leave the saving humanity up to others, eh?

Side note: I wish I could somehow gain some of that drive that people who want to cure cancer and such posses and apply it to laundry and cleaning dishes. Because that is an area where I lost drive and desire and ambition in my life, and never gained it back. . .